Sunkist’s Neighborhood

So, Jenn and I closed on our first home on New Years Eve.  Pretty cool.  For once in my life, I have bought something that is brand new.  Meaning, no other fucker laid his head to rest in my abode.  I will be the first.  

At work, we've had a few issues this past month. In my capacity as a supervisor, I oversee a small limb of a giant being, and I was told that there were reasons some of these issues arose, that I couldn't understand them. I was given explanations for my concerns, and I understood. It didn't make the past month's issues any easier, but I could see that there were greater machinations in place.

One thing I've learned in the past few years--as I had my little bouts with mortality--is that job issues aren't truly important. I love my job, but it's just a job--it doesn't identify me.

I like to think that when we die, we get answers to truly important questions. I like to think there's some sort of greater machination in place, that life's ugly little knots truly are part of a beautiful tapestry.

A couple months ago, I wrote about my friend Sara's daughter Eliza, who was to undergo a heart-lung transplant. I requested that you pray for her, or send good thoughts, or healing light--whatever you do. There was a spot of infection on the lungs, so ultimately the transplant wasn't possible. So they went back to waiting. In the Universe's greater machinations, another child got the heart transplant, and a shot at a healthy life.

I guess I want Somebody to explain why. Why Eliza didn't get that shot. Why she lived 17 years, sick the entire time, and she came thisfreakingclose. Hell, I'd love to know why she was born sick in the first place. Sara and Bubba were two of my best friends when I was at FSU, and they were both awesome people, so why?? And why did Eliza have to die on Christmas Day?

Sara sent a beautiful e-mail, and I'll be presumptuous enough to reprint part of it:

Recently someone wrote to me and told me the angels were pulling Eliza toward heaven but she keeps defying them. Well, early this morning the angels won. But, as Aunt Mindy said, it was a heck of a tug of war. God gave her to us and He wanted her back. She is in His arms this morning.

Christmas is the day where Christendom celebrates Jesus' birth, and that God was given human form to live among us and save us and bring us peace. I guess I'd wonder why kids like Eliza are born to suffer. But while her body suffered, her mind and spirit were amazing. She uplifted everyone around her, and--as Sara said--"Eliza lived the fullest of lives; there was no child on the planet more loved and who KNEW IT!"

Maybe in the greater machinations, Eliza wasn't afflicted with a curse, but blessed with a gift. Maybe her death on Christmas Day wasn't a tragedy. Maybe the fact that a grieving mother can be so positive and grateful…maybe that's the beautiful, miraclulous tapestry made up of seemingly cruel knots.

So, I'm a touch late with the new gizmos of the world.  But, after the sweetie got herself an iphone I totally got jealous and found myself one, too (much cheaper with my contract renewal).  Talk about convenience.  I feel like such a snob and, on top of the fact that I hate the telephone, unworthy of owning something even remotely "cool".  But, boy do I love being able to check my email on the fly.  That is supersweet.  

i disappeared for a long, long, long time.  But, I have emerged.  I feel renewed, refreshed, and ready to run my mouth/fingers again.  I sure hope there are still readers out there.  There's so much going on to fill you in on...stay tuned.

Disconnect #1:

Puddin's text message was simple: "J hung himself."

The implications are far more complicated. Puddin has the sense of relief that her ex-husband won't be stalking her anymore, that the past few years' nightmare of frivolous custody suits, unsent child-support, and threats has ended. The down side…how do you explain to a seven year-old that the father who has only been there sporadically is dead? How do you explain that this father loved you, but he hanged himself?

A few miles up I-75, my friend's daughter, Eliza, has coded four times in the past week. She's fighting for her life, fighting the way she's had to her entire 16 years. She's waiting on a heart-lung transplant, eager to grow up and have problems.

There's a disconnect somewhere in this world. How one person can hate life so much that he snuffs it, while another person has battled her entire 16 year life to stay alive--I wish we could just transfer the healthy life spark from one person to another. I mean, it would have been no big deal for J to code--he wanted to go. Let Eliza be up and walking around, and J could segue into wherever abusive bastards are sent afterwards.

Disconnect # 2:

A couple weeks ago, I was surfing around the interwebs, and I stumbled across the video of Bud Dwyer, then the Pennsylvania Treasurer, holding a press conference. After making a statement, in which he professed his innocence, he gave envelopes to three of his aides, then pulled out a .357 Magnum and shot himself in the head. BOOM! Right there on live TV. (you can link to the video from wikipedia's article on Bud Dwyer) All I could think of was, "That doesn't even look real."

The next night, I watched "Boys Don't Cry," in which the protagonist is shot under the chin. All I could think was, "Now THAT is what it's supposed to look like!"

It was vaguely discomfiting seeing an actual gunshot suicide happen; even more horrible was that I judged it as lacking compared to the special effects extravaganza in the movie.

Disconnect #3:

I've written before about my extreme dislike of X-mas, which I differentiate from Christmas. X-mas contains all the frenzy: shopping, parties, stress, presents, et cetera ad valium. Christmas is a pretty straightforward message of peace. Once again, I'm up to my ass in X-mas, and have been since Black Friday. Christmas will be fine and peaceful, but it only lasts a day. Is it worth it? All the madness and mayhem--just for one day where people are less dickish to one another?

Don't ask me that tonight.

Last night, I lay in bed thinking about my life. I've been depressed and alcoholic, where my first thought upon awakening each day was, "Oh, shit; again?" I've also been really sick, where I was 24 hours away from dying. As I lay there, I focused on my breathing, on the fact that I'm not battling for breath. I thought about my job. Yeah, it's stressful as hell this time of year, but it's not too bad. I thought about my people, about Team Punkin and my various partners in crime, about friends nearby and afar. I treasured that even though I'm not wealthy, I have a nice apartment I can afford. Even though it was muggy outside, it was cool inside. I was breathing on my own, without equipment to assist me or monitor me.

I thought how nice it would be if Eliza gets her ultimate Christmas gift, and if Puddin' and her son can find a little peace somewhere in this mad X-mas frenzy.

Tom has a pulse

Had a hard day at work today. Quite unusual for Wednesdays. We are usually quite busy on Wednesdays morning but today it's more. I think what made it harder was that I had to do most of the paperwork with little help from the other colleague. Before I could finish, I had more orders on my desk. Only Suet-Ching helped last minute. The problem with me is that I don't open my 'golden mouth' for help! so serve me right haa. *I'm not very happy with myself*

In the afternoon, went to do a round of collection for Ulla, who has given birth. People at the lab gave mostly but some just went 'MIA' or simply not in office. Most people give quite willingly, some don't. I don't blame them since people at the lab don't have much dealings with people from Sales Team. What I'm surprised is that some people at the office, immediate colleagues, didn't seem very interested in giving. $ is a sensitive issue. There is no currently no standard on giving. With so many pregnant ladies in office, I'm sure people will come to complain having to give and give and give. I personally think that company should give a gift as part of 'welfare' and if immediate colleagues or close colleagues wish to, they can buy gifts on their own.

Time passes by and before I knew it, I had to leave for school. Interesting video I watched as part of integration course that I'm taking now on 'health, pregnancy, house care etc'. Very interesting and new for me. At least I get a general idea how the medical thing works around here. Got to sit beside this Philippino classmate. Very friendly girl. She married a farmer and they own a cow farm for milk. Very interesting and refreshing for me. Having worked in the children's farm and being in a real farm are different thing. You hear sad stories of course. I asked what do they do with old cows.. well to the slaughter house. You work hard all your life and in the end, you still go to the slaughter-house :( :~( sigh.. and how young are the calfs before they are separated from their mother? 3 days. Sad... how many months do human babies get milk from their mother or physically be with their mother?...  Human life vs Animal life = unfair.
I still find it interesting to go to the farm one day to see. She is very proud to share her website with me (I don't have it with me offhand).. 

Christmas Vacation

If you have been a long time regular of my blog you know that my favorite movie of all time is National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.  My number one rule is I can't watch it til December 1st.  I love the movie so much that I watch it at least 15 times throughout December.  This way I save my relationship with my girlfriend, otherwise I would watch it more.  I wore out my VHS tape of it and the best thing that could ever happen was Jen (my girlfriend) bought me the DVD. (god bless her)  Hope you enjoy the clip.  It also contains my favorite Christmas song as well from Ray Charles.  Whats your favorite movie during Christmas time?

• I hope you and your loved ones had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and that your Holiday kick-off has been painless.
• I hate the holidaze, as I'm sure I've mentioned before.  I'd be perfectly content not to receive any presents, as long as I weren't required to give them either.  Scroogelike? Damn skippy.  Staceypunkin dared venture out Thanksgiving night, the better to get "Black Friday" specials.  She reported 2500 people lined up outside Toys R Us.  Wal-Mart was similarly mobbed, and the malls were unseemly teeming. 
• Obviously, I found a sale on adverbs.
• I really miss "Grammar Rock" on ABC.  I don't know that I actually learned grammar from these little things, but by damn, I can still sing "Conjunction Junction" all these years later. 
• And when I was in college, a friend and I once drunkenly ad-libbed the interjection song: "Innnnnnnnnterjection! SHIT! An emotion! BALLS!" etc.  You get the point.
• I did learn the Preamble to the Constitution, though, in catchy jingle form. 
• My college career would have been more successful with a little less drunkenness, and a catchy Scholastic Rock jingle explaining differential calculus.
• On my lunch break tonight, I drove to the place with the stuff, also known as The Rally Station.  I turned on the radio, and the rock station was playing Metallica's "Master of Puppets."  This amused me, because not only is it one of the perfect driving songs, but it has the word "puppet," which always cracks me up.
• Other great driving songs: "You've Got Another Thing Coming" and "Breakin' the Law," by Judas (effin') Priest; "Kashmir," by Led Zeppelin; "Highway Star," by Deep Purple; "Smells Like Teen Spirit," by Nirvana;  and "Closer to Fine," by Indigo Girls.
• Okay, I admit it: I used to listen to Indigo GIrls all the time, and "Closer to FIne" was always a great song to drive to.  Emily Saliers and Amy Ray did wonderful harmonies, especially considering they're a mezzo-soprano and a tenor.
• I sang the tenor part, btw, and that hurt quite enough, thanks.
• I've written before about my farms and my island, and I freely admit that I also have a cafe.
• Taken alone, that sentence could imply that I'm a helluva lot richer than I really am, some sort of agricultural magnate/restaurateur.  I'm not.
• Anyway, the one that baffles me is the various fish games on Facebook.  The games seem to be more work than an actual aquarium would be.  Aquariums (aquaria?) are really fairly simple: feed the fish every day, and clean the tank periodically.  If you get certain slime-sucking scum-eating fish, they'll even remove the algae for you.
• I know some people who are slime-sucking scum eaters, and the last thing they'd do is help clean your aquarium.
• Today, I did something I haven't done in over a year: I left my house without my glasses.  My vision isn't prohibitively bad, but gosh, everything's so much clearer when I wear my glasses.  The other odd effect is that I feel very short without them.  Not only do I feel like I've shrunk from 6'4 to 4'4, the USS Nimitz seems to be at Corvette level instead of pick 'em up truck level.  This is disconcerting.  If I wanted to be a Hobbit, I'd move to Middle Earth and stop shaving my feet.
• Anyway, life is good--ten fingers, ten toes, one belly button, and a steady pulse--and I'll soon be home and tall again.